The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
