remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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