matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
