plz talk dirty to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize