8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
