Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
last night I used snow as a chaser
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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