I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's great music for shaving your balls
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
