I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
