this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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