She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
