I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
