I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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