btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
