why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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