Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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