Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
