i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
