your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it because I queefed?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
