i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
