You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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