For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think my moral compass just broke
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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