I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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