What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
