you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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