I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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