No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
