I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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