i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
