You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
