he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
