I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
