You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize