cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
