On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
