we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
