Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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