Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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