I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
