i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize