Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
false alarm. still invincible.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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