Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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