Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
