the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
