I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
