remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
