ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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