I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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