Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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