i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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