Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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