My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
