people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
