I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
