I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry about my life...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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