a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize