I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
