Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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