I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
