theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
