Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
