some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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