He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
