I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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