mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
