My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
