new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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