Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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