next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
