yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize