apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
