Acid is not a monday night drug
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
